It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
