Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
