Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
