Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
