Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
