you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
