is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
