Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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