So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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