sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
