So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
