ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
operation harelip BJ is a go
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
