You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
