Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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