Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
