She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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