The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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