I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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