you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
