Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
