You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
