apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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