never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize