That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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