Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
