About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just googled if crying burns calories
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
