masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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