I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
