I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize