i need an iv and a liver transplant
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
