I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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