I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
