how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
