There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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