What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
