life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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