Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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