As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
