i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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