hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize