Texts From Last Night

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  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

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  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (13097) Bad night (1041)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.

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  (508): You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life. http://tfl.nu/6ito
  Replies (10) Good night (1040) Bad night (2646)
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  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

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  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7682) Bad night (1262)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

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  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5640) Bad night (1050)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it

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  (215): at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it http://tfl.nu/asrx
  Replies (8) Good night (1803) Bad night (1624)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer

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  (518): I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer http://tfl.nu/dafr
  Replies (18) Good night (2242) Bad night (748)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.

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  (920): She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable. http://tfl.nu/tpm2
  Replies (3) Good night (1927) Bad night (825)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.

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  (870): Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up. http://tfl.nu/82ti
  Replies (9) Good night (471) Bad night (1383)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!

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  (208): Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!! http://tfl.nu/fdif
  Replies (11) Good night (1314) Bad night (533)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.

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  (802): Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step. http://tfl.nu/mq9b
  Replies (3) Good night (1184) Bad night (438)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.

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  (808): Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard. http://tfl.nu/xtbf
  Replies (1) Good night (655) Bad night (375)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.

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  (775): Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program. http://tfl.nu/5e2w
  Replies (1) Good night (696) Bad night (350)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.

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  (402): REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES. http://tfl.nu/6ntk
  Replies (3) Good night (1117) Bad night (262)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns

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  (905): If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns http://tfl.nu/dd5q
  Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (324)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.

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  (516): He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. http://tfl.nu/ta05
  Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (387)

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