Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.

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  (617): a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo. http://tfl.nu/rlno
  Replies (8) Good night (1085) Bad night (755)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.

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  (440): I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot. http://tfl.nu/w3xr
  Replies (14) Good night (869) Bad night (2483)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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  (732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o
  Replies (12) Good night (609) Bad night (2912)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas

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  (814): he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas http://tfl.nu/93o8
  Replies (13) Good night (1851) Bad night (4712)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..

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  (352): never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party.. http://tfl.nu/fqwv
  Replies (14) Good night (6604) Bad night (1032)
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  (716): View more from New York

  God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

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  (716): God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them. http://tfl.nu/wqtw
  Replies (32) Good night (5376) Bad night (1185)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash

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  (708): Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash http://tfl.nu/zsge
  Replies (6) Good night (3453) Bad night (1071)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'

  (636): View more from Missouri

  HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!

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  (636): & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut' (636): HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!! http://tfl.nu/1ay1
  Replies (14) Good night (1434) Bad night (3252)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice

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  (931): please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice http://tfl.nu/enb2
  Replies (7) Good night (2977) Bad night (898)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.

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  (425): She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why. http://tfl.nu/ircc
  Replies (6) Good night (1703) Bad night (1051)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.

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  (563): last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers. http://tfl.nu/6ciq
  Replies (3) Good night (1413) Bad night (824)
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  (415): View more from California

  He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished

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  (415): He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished http://tfl.nu/a96t
  Replies (7) Good night (2499) Bad night (599)
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  (949): View more from California

  i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want

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  (949): i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want http://tfl.nu/5io1
  Replies (10) Good night (470) Bad night (703)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.

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  (603): 'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/23ze
  Replies (1) Good night (561) Bad night (276)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol

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  (408): I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol http://tfl.nu/bjh1
  Replies (3) Good night (513) Bad night (161)

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