I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
