I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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