And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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