Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize