hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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