I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My vagina is officially offended.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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