i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
