Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
