She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
