I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
