Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
