that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
