Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Randomize
