mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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