Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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