ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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