I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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