Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
