if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
