oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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