I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
