she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
