So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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