are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
