Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
