Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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