I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
