Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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