I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm at about main and main street
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
