Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
