I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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