i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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