I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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