My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
