I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You are the jesus of drinking
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
