i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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