i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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