yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
