Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
