I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
