I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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