i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
